Make an appointment:
Specialty
(i.e. Dermatologists)
Location

Why can't I achieve orgasm during sex?

I can have an orgasm just fine if I'm masturbating. But when it comes to actually having sex - nothing. It feels good, but I can never climax. I'm 22 years old. I lost my virginity at 16 and have been faking orgasms ever since. It's really starting to bother me, I'm reaching a point where I have to sneak around and use my vibrator just so I can relieve myself. My husband has no idea. And I'm scared to tell him because, well, what guy wouldn't be crushed to find out his partner was faking it the whole time? I know since I am able to have orgasms through masturbation I don't have a problem with climaxing. But I want to know why I can't climax DURING SEX. Even oral sex doesn't lead to an orgasm for me. Is there something medically wrong with me, or do I just require stronger stimulation? I'm sorry if this is a stupid question, I'm just curious and desperate for some kind of answer. Am I alone in this problem?
Thank you for your question about difficulty in achieving orgasm. First of all, you should not feel ashamed of this issue; it is one that commonly afflicts women and they are often too embarrassed to bring it up with their partners. However, you should remember that your husband is your partner for life. Mutually enjoying and achieving orgasm is a very important part of a sexual relationship and one that both parties should take ownership of. Don't be scared to tell him! He loves you and together, the both of you can experiment in the bedroom as to what works best for you. I would also encourage you to investigate whether there are any external causes of your inability to reach orgasm. So it is important that you speak with your doctor. For example, a side effect of some medications is difficulty achieving orgasm or having no orgasm. Antidepressants are one class of medication with this side effect profile. Finally, very few women achieve orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. It sounds like you have success when it comes to using your vibrator, and this may mean because it also provides clitoral stimulation. Many women require a combination of both clitoral and vaginal stimulation to achieve orgasm, and this may be the case for you. That is why it is so important for you and your husband to experiment together because each woman, and couple, is unique. Remember that this exercise should be a fun, not stressful, process. Again, I would encourage you to speak with your doctor who may be able to provide additional guidance.
This answer is for general informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical advice.
If you think you may have a medical emergency, call your doctor or (in the United States) 911 immediately. Always seek the advice of your doctor before starting or changing treatment. Medical professionals who provide responses to health-related questions are intended third party beneficiaries with certain rights under Zocdoc’s Terms of Service.