{"id":17677,"date":"2018-08-29T09:00:50","date_gmt":"2018-08-29T14:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thepapergown.zocdoc.com\/?p=17677"},"modified":"2023-03-03T15:11:47","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T20:11:47","slug":"10-questions-to-ask-when-you-become-a-caregiver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/10-questions-to-ask-when-you-become-a-caregiver\/","title":{"rendered":"10 Questions to Ask When You Become a Caregiver"},"content":{"rendered":"

Across the country, 40 million adults serve as caregivers for loved ones, <\/span>according to the AARP<\/span><\/a>. Ten million<\/span> of those caregivers are millennials, and a majority of the loved ones are parents. Caring for the person who took care of you can be overwhelming both emotionally and logistically, especially when you have to juggle a full-time job with the roughly 20 hours per week that caregiving requires. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMost millennials haven\u2019t dealt with their own health problems, let alone someone else\u2019s, so they don\u2019t always know what needs to be asked,\u201d says Amy Goyer, AARP family and caregiving expert and author of <\/span>Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving<\/span><\/i>. <\/span><\/p>\n

Here are 10 questions new caretakers should raise with their parents, doctors and even their own bosses.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

1. Dad, what\u2019s your health history?<\/h2>\n

You\u2019ll need to sit Mom or Dad down and have them tell you their medical life story. \u201cMany new caregivers know surprisingly little about their parents\u2019 health history, especially childhood diseases,\u201d says Goyer. Make a cheat sheet as you listen \u2014 there will be many times you\u2019ll need to list all your loved one\u2019s past illnesses, surgeries, medications and hospitalizations.<\/span><\/p>\n

2. What are your goals?<\/h2>\n

You likely already know the doctor\u2019s goals for treatment, which might include things like improvements in blood work or mobility. \u201cNo one really cares about getting their A1C level down,\u201d says C. Grace Whiting, president and CEO of the National Alliance for Caregiving. Try to find out what your mom or dad are hoping to achieve. The prospect of keeping up with grandkids on a family trip might be better motivation for following a strict diet than attaining healthy blood sugar levels. <\/span><\/p>\n

3. What do we want to talk about with the doctor?<\/h2>\n

Whenever you join your parent at the doctor, you\u2019re really making two appointments. Experts agree you should come prepared with a list of questions for the doctor. But you should also carve out time for a one-on-one visit or phone call with your parent to make that list. Talk privately about your concerns then. \u201cAs you care for someone, write down things you notice that are different,\u201d says Whiting. For example, if your former accountant father suddenly fails to balance his checkbook, you don\u2019t want to bring it up for the first time in front of the doctor. <\/span><\/p>\n

4. Can I get access to Mom\u2019s medical records?<\/h2>\n

Thanks to the rise of electronic medical records, your mom\u2019s whole care plan, test results, office visit summaries and more can be made available to you at the tap of a touchscreen. Whiting suggests asking your parent and the doctor if this can be arranged. In some cases, it\u2019s as informal as them sharing their username and password with you. In others, you will need to sign a legal form that varies by state in order to obtain permission. <\/span><\/p>\n

5. Doc, can we talk?<\/h2>\n

The same online portal that can let you view your mom\u2019s health records can also let you communicate with her doctors. Don\u2019t hesitate to send a note through the portal requesting the doctor call you to address a question or concern, or even just to give you a one-on-one update. You shouldn\u2019t feel like a burden on the doctor; this is part of their job. \u201cIn fact,\u201d Whiting says, \u201cthe doctor should be asking you what kind of help you need and sharing resources for caregivers with you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

6. Can we get a baseline?<\/h2>\n

When you notice cognitive changes in your parent, you\u2019ll likely want them to have a full battery of tests. Confronting them about a spotty memory or other signs of mental decline puts them on the defensive. Instead, talk around the issue. \u201cYou can say something like, \u2018I read an article about brain changes as you age, and it said it\u2019s really good to do this particular test to get a baseline,\u2019\u201d Goyer suggests. \u201cThere is something about getting a baseline that makes tests less threatening to older adults.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

7. Can you walk me through what the doctor wants us to do?<\/h2>\n

When a doctor explains the plan for ongoing care and you see your mom or dad struggle to understand, you should intervene. \u201cInstead of confronting your parent or asking the doctor to explain it a third time, say to your parent, \u2018Can you walk me through what the doctor is asking us to do?\u2019\u201d Letting them repeat back what they think they heard clears up what needs to be explained further. <\/span><\/p>\n

8. Can you help me?<\/h2>\n

Being a caregiver means asking for help. <\/span>More than half<\/span><\/a> of all millennial caregivers fill this role for their parent solo, but no one can do it all alone. You can and must ask for help from less involved siblings (or other family members), neighbors and friends. This extends to your workplace as well. \u201cKnow your rights,\u201d says Whiting. Many people have access to family medical leave. Ask your boss if you can work from home sometimes or come up with a more flexible schedule.<\/span><\/p>\n

9. What do you want to do for fun?<\/h2>\n

Sharing fun activities reduces stress for both of you while strengthening your relationship. \u201cStop in a coffee shop on the way home from an appointment,\u201d Goyer says. \u201cWatch a movie together. Listen to music you both like. Often things that ease their stress ease your stress too.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

10. When do I get a break?<\/h2>\n

At least once a year, Goyer says, \u201cyou must have a few days away from caregiving.\u201d Plan it in advance, and arrange for the help you need to make it happen. If one break a year doesn’t seem like enough time off, consider that Goyer is accounting for the financial situation of a lot of millennial caregivers: Many rely on single incomes; 1 in 3 earn less than $30,000 per year; caregiving costs an average of $6,800 per year. If you’re in the position to get away more often, do it.<\/p>\n

And while you’re on duty, mini-breaks and regular self-care should happen routinely, starting with getting enough sleep. \u201cWe try to do without it, but then you can\u2019t cope mentally, physically or emotionally,\u201d she says. Being a supportive, helpful caregiver requires taking care of your own wellbeing too.<\/p>\n

\n

Ready to book a doctor’s appointment? Visit Zocdoc.<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Caring for a parent can be overwhelming.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":27,"featured_media":17679,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[227],"tags":[96,38],"class_list":["post-17677","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-guides","tag-caregiving","tag-lists","reviewer-dr-nassim-assefi"],"yoast_head":"\n10 Questions to Ask When Becoming a Caregiver<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Becoming a caregiver for a parent can be overwhelming. 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