{"id":17706,"date":"2018-09-10T10:48:08","date_gmt":"2018-09-10T15:48:08","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thepapergown.zocdoc.com\/?p=17706"},"modified":"2023-03-03T15:10:49","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T20:10:49","slug":"im-learning-how-to-trust-doctors-again","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/patient-stories\/im-learning-how-to-trust-doctors-again\/","title":{"rendered":"I&#8217;m Learning How to Trust Doctors Again"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You roll up your sleeve for the blood pressure test. The doctor holds your forearm while he squeezes the pump. You flinch, and try to hide it. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The doctor leans in and aims a medical device, an otoscope, at your ear, and you jerk your head away without thinking. \u201cIs it cold?\u201d he asks, rubbing the pointy end on his shirt to warm it up. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cNo, no,\u201d you tell him, stiffening your neck. \u201cThings in my ears just freak me out.\u201d You laugh a little, or just say sorry. You are always saying sorry for being so touchy, so untouchable. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you take off your shirt and the doctor applies the electrocardiograph pads across your chest, you stare at the ceiling or just close your eyes. This will be over soon, you tell yourself. Don\u2019t be a difficult patient. If you\u2019re a difficult patient, doctors won\u2019t want to take care of you.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">But the last doctor who promised to take care of you didn\u2019t. The last doctor sexually abused you. Now, even years later, it\u2019s your job to be the calm, reasonable person in the exam room \u2014 even<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">though every moment spent with your new doctor, or with any doctor, reminds you how you once trusted a doctor and that trust was betrayed. The unfairness is galling. <\/span><\/p>\n<hr class=\"squiggle\" \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The you, of course, is me. It\u2019s also many other people, too many. When I was in my mid-30s, I was sexually abused by a psychiatrist who was treating me for depression and anxiety. I\u2019ve written about this event over the years, but I\u2019ve never addressed the lingering aftershocks. To this day, nearly two decades in, I will not go to therapists or psychiatrists. I hate them all. Yes, hate. It\u2019s ugly but true. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Worse yet, I cannot be comfortable with doctors of any kind. Clinics make me anxious; hospitals inspire full-on panic attacks. Even my general practitioner \u2014 an easygoing doctor I\u2019ve seen for most of my adult life, a doctor who helped me during the awful period when I confronted my abuser in a legal tribunal and who has seen me through everything from eczema to Restless Leg Syndrome \u2014 makes me uneasy. I get through necessary visits by being funny, being the merry patient. I downplay how I actually feel. I make jokes and present a classic Canadian carrying-on face. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cMeh, what are you gonna do?\u201d I often ask my GP<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">rhetorically, dismissing my ailments and signaling that I\u2019m just fine, thanks. But I\u2019m not. I have chronic health concerns that I can\u2019t summon the courage to confront. When I\u2019m in my doctor\u2019s office, I just want out. I\u2019d have to get hit by a car before I would seek any truly invasive (my word, and exactly how it feels for me) hands-on medical treatment. At least I\u2019d be unconscious.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr class=\"squiggle\" \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Without being alarmist, it is not unreasonable to say that sexual abuse is a problem in medicine. In 2016, the <\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Atlanta Journal-Constitution<\/span><\/i> <a href=\"http:\/\/doctors.ajc.com\/doctors_sex_abuse\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">published the findings<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of a yearlong investigation into sexual abuse by doctors. The paper uncovered thousands of cases. One expert <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.cnn.com\/2016\/07\/11\/health\/doctor-sexual-abuse\/index.html\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">described the problem<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> to CNN as \u201csystemic.\u201d The authors of a <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov\/pmc\/articles\/PMC2780524\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">five-year study<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> conducted in Brazil posit that \u201csince the time of Hippocrates, a sexual relationship between doctor and patient has been prohibited, as there is dysfunctionality in this asymmetric relationship, which has been labeled as polymorphic incest &#8230; [S]exual intercourse between doctor and patient is analogically similar to intrafamilial sexual relationships.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hard statistics regarding the number of patients who\u2019ve experience sexual abuse are tough to come by. Experts agree that the vast majority of patients do not report their abuse. Furthermore, organizations created to monitor physician behavior and practices follow no single standard, internationally or even between state boundaries. (This is true both in Canada, where I live, and the U.S.) In <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.womenshealthmag.com\/life\/a19642000\/sexual-assault-by-doctors\/\"><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Women\u2019s Health<\/span><\/i><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, one writer compared the situation to the epidemic of abuse by Catholic priests: The systems that protect abusers are deeply ingrained, historically biased against accusers and very difficult to change. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I\u2019m actually on the lucky end of the survivor spectrum. As uncomfortable and occasionally terrified as medical situations make me, I\u2019ve learned to force myself up onto the examination table. But once I\u2019m there, I don\u2019t trust anything that happens. I don\u2019t even trust myself. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">I worry about overreacting to perceived slights, about being hypersensitive to everything from too-casual medical practitioners to too-formal caregivers, from being the temporary center of physical attention to not being the center of a doctor\u2019s mental attention. I\u2019m impossible and I\u2019m keenly aware of it. So when I see a doctor, I fake it. I fake being the carefree healthcare consumer.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Eric Pierni, a psychotherapist and founder of the counselling service Men Therapy Toronto, works with men who have been sexually abused. He stresses that abuse survivors have enormous difficulty \u201ctrusting anyone, at all, even a therapist.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While Pierni does not specialize in treating patients abused by doctors \u2014 I couldn\u2019t find a single person who does \u2014 he outlined three core principles that guide his work.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">First, there\u2019s the establishment of trust between therapist and patient, with an emphasis on creating an environment where patients feel safe on all levels. This is no easy task.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cThere is no direct way to establish trust between a therapist and a client,\u201d Pierni told me, \u201cbut clear boundaries and informed consent are the start.<\/span> <span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">And making sure the client is being heard: A big issue with clients who have been abused is that they don\u2019t feel understood. Because trust is so difficult, leaving them feeling powerless, that can lead to poor self-care and negation or avoidance of healthcare.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Second comes a gradual building of communication between therapist and patient based on equality of expression, as opposed to the old-fashioned but still standard scenario wherein a doctor\u2019s views are read as law. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cOne of the first things I do in a meeting is to outline how power works in session,\u201d Pierni said. \u201cI tell clients that they can interject if they wish, because clients are often reluctant to ask a lot of questions.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Dissolving the traditional doctor-patient hierarchy sounds like a good first step, a form of patient empowerment I wish I could have accessed when I was younger. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">The third principle is an intriguing concept called practitioner congruency. Essentially, it\u2019s a form of supervision. Doctors who use the congruency model have voluntarily agreed to have their work clinically supervised and scrutinized on an ongoing basis by fellow doctors. \u201cAn extra set of eyes on our practice\u201d is how Pierni describes it.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Hearing this with a survivor\u2019s ear, congruency strikes me as having the greatest potential to make patients feel secure again.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">\u201cPeople go to therapists, but they never ask how the therapist is being supervised or how the therapist lives out the principles they advocate in their own lives,\u201d Pierni said. \u201cIn order for me to tell people how to get better, I have to get better in my own life. I have to live my own words. Nobody\u2019s perfect, but if a clinician is not doing their own work, how can they be of help to others?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<hr class=\"squiggle\" \/>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">We patients who have experienced sexual abuse by doctors are a special subset of survivors within the larger movement to empower the abused and confront abusers. We need champions and specialists, doctors trained to help patients who\u2019ve been abused by other doctors. We are the abuse survivor equivalent of people with so-called \u201corphan diseases.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While we have every right to demand care that is attentive to our unique needs, that care can only come from a medical industry committed to fixing itself first<\/span><i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. <\/span><\/i><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Until congruency is the norm, we\u2019ll be the patients nervously watching the examining room door and waiting for the first chance to get out.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h1 class=\"p1\" style=\"text-align: center;\"><span class=\"s1\">Ready to book a doctor&#8217;s appointment? Visit <a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/\"><span class=\"s2\">Zocdoc.<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Two decades ago, I was abused by my doctor. I&#8217;m still dealing with the aftershocks.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":17710,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[231],"tags":[136,90,33,41,104],"class_list":["post-17706","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-patient-stories","tag-culture","tag-feature","tag-healthcare","tag-mental-health","tag-trauma","reviewer-dr-nassim-assefi","specialist_by_city-therapists"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>I&#039;m Learning How to Trust Doctors Again - Patient Stories<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Two decades ago, RM Vaughan was sexually abused by his doctor. 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