{"id":18227,"date":"2019-05-30T14:58:40","date_gmt":"2019-05-30T19:58:40","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thepapergown.zocdoc.com\/?p=18227"},"modified":"2023-03-03T15:38:42","modified_gmt":"2023-03-03T20:38:42","slug":"what-to-do-when-your-therapist-leaves-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/what-to-do-when-your-therapist-leaves-you\/","title":{"rendered":"What to Do When Your Therapist Leaves You"},"content":{"rendered":"

Stacy Feintuch first saw her therapist more than two decades ago, when she was having problems conceiving. \u201cMy mother-in-law found her, and I thought she was amazing,\u201d says Feintuch, a writer and client relations administrator who lives in Livingston, New Jersey. After having two daughters, she stopped going to therapy.<\/span><\/p>\n

Then, when her daughters were 10 and 12, Feintuch’s husband passed away from a heart attack. One day after his funeral, the therapist called \u2014 she’d heard about his death.<\/span> \u201cWould you like to come in?\u201d she asked. Feintuch immediately said yes. \u201cWe just clicked,\u201d she says. \u201cHer husband had also passed away at a young age. She totally got me.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Less than a year later, Feintuch\u2019s therapist ended a session with news of her own: She was retiring. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? What do you mean? You can’t retire!\u201d Feintuch recalls thinking. \u201cI was a little angry,\u201d she says. \u201cShe called <\/span>me<\/span><\/i>, she asked me to come back in and I did, and I still believe she must have known at some point that she was thinking about retiring. I wish she would have told me up front rather than waiting.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

It’s natural to be taken aback when a therapist tells you they can\u2019t see you anymore because they\u2019re retiring, moving or going on leave. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThose relationships are incredibly deep. It can feel like abandonment or bring up deep grief or anger that they are not available to you,\u201d says Charlotte Howard, a psychologist and CEO of <\/span>Deep Eddy Psychotherapy<\/span><\/a> in Austin, Texas.<\/span><\/p>\n

But there are things both therapists and patients can do to make the transition as easy as possible. Here\u2019s some advice, straight from the source: therapists who\u2019ve both gone on leave themselves and stepped in for colleagues.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Talk in advance<\/h2>\n

Unless it’s an emergency, most therapists will give you at least a few months’ notice that they are taking a short, long-term or even permanent break from their practice. This lets you process your emotions and talk about your concerns before they leave. Although you might feel uncomfortable telling them you’re angry or anxious, speak up. \u201cSometimes we don’t want to hurt the therapist’s feelings, or we want to be supportive of what is going on in their life, so we may try to put on a strong or brave face and not let ourselves feel what our honest response is,\u201d Howard says. \u201cBut then we have to grieve it later by ourselves, and we don’t get to use the situation therapeutically.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

In other words, your therapist is there to help you through exactly this type of scenario. <\/span><\/p>\n

Don’t fear the goodbye<\/h2>\n

The farewell process can double as a healing process if you ease into it ahead of time \u2014 especially if past relationships haven\u2019t ended well for you. \u201cA lot of people have had bad goodbyes where someone abandoned or dropped them,\u201d Howard explains. \u201cSo to have an experience where you are cared for and able to grieve with the person you are saying goodbye to can be healing.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Make a plan together<\/h2>\n

Your therapist isn’t just going to say \u201csee ya\u201d and let you figure things out yourself. Depending on the duration and nature of their departure, they might offer phone sessions or suggest seeing a colleague of theirs. Choose what feels right to you. And if you try something and don\u2019t like it, trust your gut. \u201cMy therapist offered to do phone sessions,\u201d Feintuch says. \u201cI wasn’t thrilled, but I agreed. We did a couple of sessions, but it wasn’t the same. It felt different from sitting across from each other, and I don’t know if her heart wasn’t in it anymore. So I stopped seeing her.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Be sure your therapists talk<\/h2>\n

As in the beginning of any relationship, seeing a new therapist<\/span> means telling your backstory. If you\u2019re only planning to seek help elsewhere while your therapist is on leave, they can minimize the amount of time you spend playing catch-up by reaching out to the pinch hitter. \u201cI ask patients, ‘What do you want me to share with the new clinician?’ and then I make a phone call so they have background that is helpful,\u201d says <\/span>Merav Gur<\/span><\/a>, a clinical psychologist in New York. Your therapist could also do this if they\u2019re retiring, to make the transition from one fainting couch to the next as smooth as possible.<\/span><\/p>\n

View it as a good break<\/h2>\n

Even if your current therapist preps the next person, you\u2019ll still need to fill in information gaps and re-share some details about your life. It\u2019s just part of the getting-to-know-you process. But rather than go into your first few sessions with a new therapist thinking, <\/span>Ugh, I have to tell my story all over again, <\/span><\/i>try looking at the forced restart as an opportunity. \u201cIt can be very healing to tell your story from the start again,\u201d Howard says. \u201cYou change so much in therapy, and if it’s been years since you [first told someone what happened], you now have a new sense of self.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Stay on track with your goals<\/h2>\n

Before you begin seeing someone new, take time during a therapy session to discuss, and even write down, your treatment goals. That way, if your therapist forgets to tell the next person about your goals, you can easily bring them up to speed. And stay open-minded. Chances are any new therapist will approach treatment differently from the last person you saw. \u201cIt took a while to feel comfortable with someone new,\u201d says Tara Mandarano, a full-time freelance writer and editor whose therapist moved away after about two years of working together on her depression, relationship problems and daily anxieties. \u201cThe positive of switching therapists is [getting] a new person with a fresh perspective on your challenges and worries. She brings a different take to our conversations.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Consider cutting back your sessions<\/h2>\n

When weekly or twice-weekly therapy appointments become part of your routine, you might not be inclined to take a step back and assess whether you need to keep up with such frequent sessions. Changing therapists gives you a chance to take inventory of your emotional and mental health and consider how you\u2019ve changed since beginning therapy. \u201cAssuming there are no high-risk behaviors, oftentimes it’s a wonderful opportunity for a patient to try to cope on their own,\u201d Gur says. \u201cCan they take the tools they’ve learned in therapy and apply them on their own?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

This could mean seeing a new therapist less often or terminating treatment altogether. \u201cWith your therapist, assess how much progress has been made and if it’s time to let go,\u201d adds Gur. When she went on maternity leave, Gur gave her patients homework so they’d keep making progress in her absence.<\/span><\/p>\n

Still, homework isn\u2019t enough for everyone. For instance, Gur says, someone who is deeply depressed or has suicidal tendencies should continue receiving professional care while their therapist is on leave. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Have a support network<\/h2>\n

When you know you won\u2019t have access to your therapist for weeks or months, it’s important to have other people to turn to. \u201cI have a very, very good friend whose father passed away when she was 12, and she became my therapist. She got everything I said,\u201d Feintuch says. <\/span><\/p>\n

Even if you don\u2019t plan to see anyone else for treatment while your therapist is gone, most therapists will provide the number of a clinician you can call in an emergency. There are also free hotlines for different mental health conditions. <\/span>Check out this list from the National Alliance on Mental Illness<\/span><\/a>.<\/span><\/p>\n

Decide if you want to go back<\/h2>\n

If you choose to see someone else while your therapist is on leave and end up connecting with the new person, what should you do when your original therapist comes back? When you\u2019re working through an issue, it can feel disruptive to switch back and forth between therapists. You might be conflicted about whom to see. \u201cThis can be a good reflective process,\u201d Gur says. \u201cWhat do you feel you are getting with your new therapist versus the old one?\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

Luckily most therapists realize that patients\u2019 lives don\u2019t stand still when they take a break from their practice. Howard says they should give you their blessing to stay the course with a new therapist: \u201cAny good therapist will support whatever is best for you.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Ready to book a therapy appointment? Visit Zocdoc<\/a>.<\/span><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whether they\u2019re taking an extended vacation or retiring for good, losing your go-to confidant isn\u2019t easy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":18228,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[227],"tags":[41,71],"class_list":["post-18227","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-guides","tag-mental-health","tag-therapy","reviewer-dr-nassim-assefi"],"yoast_head":"\nWhat to Do When Your Therapist Leaves You - Guides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Whether they\u2019re taking an extended vacation or retiring for good, losing your go-to confidant isn\u2019t easy.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/what-to-do-when-your-therapist-leaves-you\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What to Do When Your Therapist Leaves You - 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