{"id":18692,"date":"2020-05-12T09:28:36","date_gmt":"2020-05-12T14:28:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thepapergown.zocdoc.com\/?p=18692"},"modified":"2023-03-06T10:01:10","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T15:01:10","slug":"is-grief-the-next-epidemic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/healthcare-trends\/is-grief-the-next-epidemic\/","title":{"rendered":"The Grief Pandemic"},"content":{"rendered":"

Coronavirus information changes quickly, so please note the publication date on this story. You can find current<\/em> recommendations and national outbreak data on the CDC<\/a> website. Or, if you want local coronavirus updates and stats, check out the department of health website for your state<\/a> or your city<\/a>. Enjoy reading and stay safe.<\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

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By now, many people across the country have lost someone to COVID-19 or know someone who has. The virus has killed more than <\/span>83,000<\/span><\/a> Americans and <\/span>292,000 people worldwide<\/span><\/a>, and the toll is still rising. Mental health experts have been bracing for the collective impact of weathering so much loss, during a time when coming together is prohibited. According to one paper, published in March in the journal <\/span>Applied Demography<\/span><\/i><\/a>, the pandemic will give way to a \u201ctsunami of grief.\u201d We’re<\/span>\u00a0not prepared for it.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAmerica is about to experience an unprecedented loss of life,\u201d <\/span>wrote<\/span><\/a> study author Emily Smith-Greenway, assistant professor of sociology at the University of Southern California. \u201cIt is important that the burden of bereavement, and its potential mental and physical health consequences, is factored into discussions of the public health challenge facing America and all nations.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Grief, in the simplest terms, means deep sorrow or distress following a death or other form of loss. While grieving is a natural and normal response to personal tragedy, it can still have lasting health effects. For years, studies have linked the stress that accompanies grief to increased depression, <\/span>cardiovascular disease<\/span><\/a> and mortality risk. Now, grief specialists are sounding the alarm, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging our grief and taking it seriously.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s nothing easy or neat about grief. Grief is a very organic, messy process,\u201d says David Kessler, a leading grief expert and founder of the resource and support site Grief.com. \u201cWe want to simplify grief, to say \u2018Oh, there\u2019s five stages!\u2019\u201d He’s referring to the five stages of grief famously named by Swiss psychologist Elisabeth K\u00fcbler-Ross: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. \u201cThe stages aren\u2019t linear; they aren\u2019t a map for grief and you\u2019re done.\u201d He should know. Along with<\/span> K\u00fcbler-Ross, he co-wrote\u00a0<\/span>On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss<\/span><\/i><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Even under normal circumstances, mourning can be a painful, lonely process. Symptoms of grief include deep sadness, an inability to focus on anything apart from the loss, and difficulty accepting the death. (<\/span>Complicated grie<\/span><\/a>f, a diagnosable condition, is <\/span>defined<\/span><\/a> as a grief response that lasts longer than six months and interferes with daily routines. The point at which \u201cnormal\u201d grieving becomes a mental health disorder is a topic of debate among grief professionals.)<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYour home life has become your work life for many people. When are you on? When are you off? Grief needs dedicated time.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Our current circumstances are anything but normal. Feelings of <\/span>isolation that commonly accompany bereavement are compounded by stay-at-home orders, the absence of regular routines, and restricted access to familiar sources of emotional support, such as seeing friends and family in person.<\/span><\/p>\n

Grief can also be a response to trauma, independent of personal loss. People are facing anxiety surrounding the virus, experiencing sorrow over being laid off or missing graduation, and stress-reading pandemic updates. By that definition, a lot of the country is experiencing some amount of grief.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>\u201cThose feelings of not being able to concentrate, and eating too much or not eating enough or sleeping too much or not sleeping enough, the overwhelming sadness \u2014 all that is what grief looks like,\u201d says Kessler. \u201cPeople have said to me, \u2018I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on, it\u2019s 10 am and I\u2019m exhausted.\u2019 Well, we don\u2019t realize the energy grief takes and how exhausting being in grief is.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Shortly after the pandemic arrived in the US, Kessler started an <\/span>online grief support group<\/span><\/a>, as an alternative to in-person groups that could no longer meet. <\/span>The first day, 1,000 people joined. Now, the group has over 12,000 members.<\/p>\n

\u201cStructure helps us grieve,\u201d Kessler says. Having a regular time to meet, as well as a dedicated group of people to connect with. Especially now. \u201cThe boundaries are gone,\u201d he adds. \u201cYour home life has become your work life for many people. When are you on? When are you off? Grief needs dedicated time.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

We already had a mental health crisis in the US when the coronavirus arrived and upended our lives a few months ago. More than 50 percent of all Americans will experience a mental health illness at some point in their lifetime, according to the <\/span>Centers for Disease Control and Prevention<\/span><\/a>. One in 5 people will experience a mental illness in a given year. Inadequate access to care exacerbates the problem. More than half the counties in the US <\/span>have no psychiatrists<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s an emotional \u2018bar tab\u2019 that will come due … It\u2019s going to be for decades that we see the ripple effects of this roll out.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s an emotional \u2018bar tab\u2019 that will come due,\u201d says Megan Devine, psychotherapist and author of <\/span>It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand<\/span><\/i><\/a>. Devine says that in less intense times, you\u2019d typically experience one loss at a time. Now, there\u2019s a saturation of loss. \u201cIt\u2019s going to be for decades that we see the ripple effects of this roll out, and those are all mental health challenges that we will be seeing and responding to for a really long time to come, which is overwhelming and daunting, and it\u2019s just the reality. There is so much loss happening right now and so much grief.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

During the pandemic, the CDC advises people to look for <\/span>common signs of distress<\/span><\/a> like difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite, anger or increased use of drugs or alcohol. The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, a government agency, offers <\/span>grief resources<\/span><\/a> and coping guidance. A lot of the guidance boils down to common sense, such as talking to a friend or family member you trust, or general health advice, such as getting enough sleep and exercising.<\/span><\/p>\n

Managing mental health while grieving is especially challenging right now. Among other things, people may be deprived of the coping mechanisms they relied on pre-coronavirus. Someone who, for example, used to go hiking when they felt down may no longer have that option. <\/span>\u201cThis is about expanding your toolbox,\u201d Devine says, and finding a new \u201cmechanism for action,\u201d as she calls it. \u201cWhat other ways can you serve that need? It depends on where you live and how much economic stability you have, but even things like watching a nature show on PBS, or looking at photographs of a hike you took. Is it ideal? No. We are in emotional triage, we have to try some things.\u201d<\/p>\n

Following the death of a loved one, many people are holding Zoom memorials since they can\u2019t get together in real life. Kessler thinks virtual memorials are a good idea, as is planning an in-person gathering for a later date, once it\u2019s safe to do so. Maintaining formality and structure helps elevate an online gathering. \u201cYou actually have to do a virtual funeral with all the respect that a real one has,\u201d he says. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t work if everyone just clicks in and watches. Someone\u2019s in a tank top, Aunt Martha is eating her dinner in a La-Z-Boy while you\u2019re putting your loved one to rest. You have to dress up for it, you have to have someone running it [like] clergy. The funeral home will stream the casket, you can have music. You can\u2019t make the virtual funeral like another Zoom call or it\u2019s going to leave you feeling empty.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Kessler suggests that people who are feeling lonely in their grief make a \u201cdirect ask\u201d to a friend: Tell them you\u2019re struggling and schedule a time to talk on the phone, rather than reaching out spontaneously with the risk of missing them.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When comforting a grieving loved one, Devine encourages people to resist the temptation to problem-solve. \u201cDon\u2019t jump in with \u2018solutions,\u2019\u201d she cautions. \u201c\u2018It\u2019s not that bad\u2019 or \u2018Have you tried broccoli?\u2019 These things have the net effect of silencing someone\u2019s pain.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

“When we judge our grief and judge our feelings, we don\u2019t feel any of them, and that takes even more energy.”<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In his work, Kessler has noticed a unique and often destructive phenomenon, a byproduct of the self-help movement, which he calls \u201cfeelings on feelings.\u201d This involves judging or commenting on our own feelings as we\u2019re having them. \u201cWe\u2019re sad, but we shouldn\u2019t be sad, because no one\u2019s died. Or our grandparents died, but they had a long life, or I\u2019m angry, but I shouldn\u2019t be angry. We have all these feelings that are half-felt,\u201d he says. \u201cAnd I tell people: Stay in the first generation of emotions. The key to grief is if you\u2019re angry, be angry; if you\u2019re sad, be sad. But when we judge our grief and judge our feelings, we don\u2019t feel any of them, and that takes even more energy.”<\/span><\/p>\n

Kessler, with permission from <\/span>K\u00fcbler-Ross\u2019s family, recently added a <\/span>sixth stage of grief: meaning<\/span><\/a>, which he hopes could serve as a powerful tool for moving forward. Finding meaning, as Kessler defines it, involves seeking out the good in a tragic situation. This isn\u2019t the same thing as finding a \u201csilver lining.\u201d You\u2019re looking for indications of good coexisting with tragedy.<\/span><\/p>\n

As an example, he talks about a patient he worked with who survived the Las Vegas shooting. He told her to look for the good. Amid the horror of her memories, she recalled seeing people get a man into a wheelchair and out of the line of fire to safety.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cSome of us are going to come out fine,\u201d Kessler says, when it comes to surviving the pandemic. \u201cSome of us are going to come out with post-traumatic stress. I want to help people to come out of this with post-traumatic growth. The horror doesn\u2019t go away, the [fact that] people died doesn\u2019t go away. It takes time and it takes recognizing the good.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

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Ready to book a doctor’s appointment? Visit Zocdoc.<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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