{"id":18938,"date":"2020-11-17T12:10:45","date_gmt":"2020-11-17T17:10:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/thepapergown.zocdoc.com\/?p=18938"},"modified":"2023-03-06T09:44:26","modified_gmt":"2023-03-06T14:44:26","slug":"how-to-be-friends-with-your-doctor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/how-to-be-friends-with-your-doctor\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Be Friends With Your Doctor"},"content":{"rendered":"

In theory, the doctor-patient relationship is courteous and clinical, rooted in a duty of care.<\/span> In practice, the line between professional and personal isn\u2019t always clear-cut. Sometimes doctors and patients meet in the exam room and strike up long-lasting friendships. Other times, doctors take on friends as patients.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Some doctors say getting personal enhances care, since providers who know their patients as people are more likely to take a well-rounded, holistic view of their health. Other providers argue that even a tiny boundary breach clouds professional judgment and objectivity. Doctors diagnosing friends can lead to undertreatment based on wishful thinking. Overtreatment happens too. Some doctors call it \u201cVIP syndrome\u201d: When patients are friends, they order unnecessary tests that can bypass the system and its protective measures.<\/span><\/p>\n

In a <\/span>2019 survey<\/span><\/a> of more than 1,500 primary care doctors across the country, 59 percent said they\u2019d provided care to personal friends, while 34 percent had paid for medication and given patients rides home. Only a minority of respondents found these scenarios unacceptable.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cGoing the extra mile for patients is often viewed as acceptable,\u201d says Dr. Gordon Schiff, coauthor of the survey and associate director of the Center for Patient Safety Research and Practice at Brigham and Women\u2019s Hospital in Boston.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWith this survey and its conflicting answers, we seem to have hit a raw nerve. The answers may reflect that our society is changing. Our relationships may be growing more transactional, our economic and social gaps may be widening, and our community ties may be fraying. But we should always keep the patient at the center of our decisions.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are some guidelines to help patients navigate doctor-patient friendships:<\/span><\/p>\n

Treat appointments as appointments, leisure as leisure<\/h3>\n

Make a point only to talk about yourself when the outcome of your conversation bears a billing code. \u201cBecause appointments are often limited in time, doctors and patients have to understand they need to focus on the patient\u2019s health,\u201d says Dr. Brian Wind, chief clinical officer at JourneyPure in Nashville, Tennessee. \u201cIt can be distracting if a patient and doctor chat about matters that take their focus away from clinical care.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

By the same token, refrain from requesting tests, prescriptions or evaluations at social events or over social media. \u201c<\/span>Sometimes being friends with patients can mean it\u2019s harder for doctors to \u2018switch off,\u2019\u201d Wind points out. \u201cAgree that it is not the doctor’s responsibility to read the social media posts of a patient or respond to them.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Dr. Neil Seligman, an ob-gyn and maternal-fetal medicine specialist in Rochester, New York,<\/span> agrees. \u201cEvery conversation can\u2019t be free medical advice. There are times when I just want my friends to let me put aside my work for a period of time and to help me compartmentalize.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Help the doctor remain objective<\/h3>\n

Avoid the temptation to request testing, antibiotics or anything that requires a careful diagnosis during chance or informal encounters. \u201cMany of my friends chose me<\/span> as their doctor,\u201d says Dr. Kim Langdon of the digital health clinic Medzino, and their friendship continued. \u201cThe only concern I had was losing objectivity and potentially worrying excessively that I might miss something, or else engage in over-testing or over-treating.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

By the same token, personal connections can thrive in good times \u2014 and turn sour in bad. \u201cI always worry about what happens after unpreventable complications or other adverse outcomes,\u201d says Seligman. \u201cWhat would happen if I was delivering a friend\u2019s baby and there was a birth injury?\u201d Though both friendship and therapeutic care can feel cozy and comforting, they are very different bonds.<\/span><\/p>\n

Your doctor may also decline your friend requests on social media or avoid approaching you in public, to respect your privacy and even your dignity. \u201cMaintaining an unbiased, unemotional attachment aids both patient and doctor in providing the best medical care,\u201d says Dr. <\/span>Sal Raichbach, director of clinical services at Ambrosia Treatment Center in West Palm Beach, Florida.<\/span> \u201cPeople know what I do, so I naturally am the first in the line for general questions at gatherings; but to properly serve a patient fully, I’d need to have a level of access and honesty with them that a friend might not provide me with.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t use a doctor\u2019s online presence as a patient portal<\/h3>\n

\u201cWhen the shift at the hospital or clinic is over, we are free to take off our \u2018doctor\u2019 hat,\u201d says Dr. Chanh Ho, head of medical review at Constant Delights. But think twice before you \u201ctag\u201d your doctor on Facebook or DM them with a clinical question.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The American Medical Association encourages doctors to consider separating personal and professional content online to maintain appropriate boundaries. Its <\/span>Code of Medical Ethics<\/span><\/a> reminds physicians to be cognizant of both patient privacy and confidentiality, and to routinely monitor their internet presence to protect their reputations and avoid undermining \u201cpublic trust in the medical profession.\u201d Interacting with patients online requires the same \u201cappropriate boundaries of the patient-physician relationship.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOn social media and elsewhere, the expectation of patient privacy is held sacrosanct,\u201d says <\/span>Raichbach.<\/span> \u201cRedirecting patient outreach over social media by replying with a boilerplate message that suggests calling the office or reaching out to the scheduling email\u201d is a best practice.<\/span><\/p>\n

Embrace your humanity, and let doctors do the same<\/h3>\n

Dr. Makiko Ban-Hoefen, an oncologist in Rochester, New York, says that the wrenching nature of cancer care can overwhelm friendships \u2014 not for lack of emotion, but for too much of it. \u201cBeing someone\u2019s oncologist is such an emotionally charged journey, and I\u2019m not sure I could treat a friend,\u201d she says. “And I hesitate to be friends with former patients because I\u2019m often a constant reminder of their chemo and the struggle.\u201d One colleague, she says, hides behind freezer doors at the supermarket when he sees former patients, to avoid triggering their bad memories.<\/span><\/p>\n

Others in more routine, preventive specialties may cultivate friendships for the same reason: to enhance care.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOver 28 years of practice, I have had friends become patients and patients become friends,\u201d says Dr. Joseph Salim, owner of Sutton Place Dental Associates in New York City. \u201cI spend a few minutes before and after each appointment talking to my patients about anything on their minds. We need to remind ourselves as practitioners that we are treating the whole of a person: not just their mouths, hearts or skins, but also their concerns, fears and expectations.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes friendship with a physician stems from the completion of treatment, or a related life milestone. \u201cI became very close friends with a patient that I delivered at 25 weeks,\u201d says Seligman. \u201cI\u2019ve watched their son grow up for the last four to five years and it\u2019s been so rewarding. We\u2019ve since been to group events together and I\u2019ve been to her son\u2019s birthday parties.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

But whatever your doctor\u2019s stance, a warm and caring bedside manner is always appropriate. The pandemic has imposed distance on every relationship, including doctor-patient ones. Providers are barely recognizable in face shields, masks and PPE. Displays of warmth and humanity may be more important than ever in patient care.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cWe may need to go out of our way to overcome those eroding ties,\u201d says Schiff.\u00a0 \u201cHaving relationships builds trust, confidence and continuity. Remember, our study found that 59 percent of doctors had cared for a personal friend. It\u2019s not black or white, because there are tricky ethical dilemmas. It has to be done mindfully.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Like a lot of patients and providers, I’ve toed the line. I occasionally see doctors who are acquaintances \u2014 people I’ve chatted with at parties or school pick-up. Unlike strangers, they already know a few things about me, which can help expedite routine Q&A sessions and inject warmth into sterile visits. Dishing about mutual friends, I’ve found, makes it easier for me to confide in them about more serious matters. But these guidelines have made me realize that certain things you do while catching up with a friend \u2014 asking them questions and showing an interest in their life \u2014 aren’t expected (or helpful) during a medical exam. When I’m in patient mode, the conversation needs to stay focused on my health, no matter who’s wearing the white coat.<\/p>\n

\n

Ready to book a doctor’s appointment? Visit Zocdoc.<\/span><\/a><\/span><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Whether you know your derm from book club or you follow your PCP on social media, here are guidelines for having doctor-friends.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":44,"featured_media":18939,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[227],"tags":[108],"class_list":["post-18938","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-guides","tag-doctors-and-patients","reviewer-dr-nassim-assefi","specialist_by_city-find-primary-care-physicians-near-you"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Be Friends With Your Doctor - Guides<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Whether you know your derm from book club or you follow your PCP on social media, here are guidelines for having doctor-friends.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/how-to-be-friends-with-your-doctor\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Be Friends With Your Doctor - 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