{"id":20280,"date":"2023-02-20T17:11:48","date_gmt":"2023-02-20T22:11:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/?p=20280"},"modified":"2023-07-19T11:50:13","modified_gmt":"2023-07-19T16:50:13","slug":"dos-and-donts-of-supporting-someone-with-mental-illness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/advice\/dos-and-donts-of-supporting-someone-with-mental-illness\/","title":{"rendered":"Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts of Supporting Someone with Mental Illness"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When a loved one is dealing with a mental illness, it can be challenging to figure out the best way to support them. You want to be a shoulder for them to lean on, but you might be unsure what you should or shouldn\u2019t do to help their mental health journey. If you do or say the wrong thing, you may offend or hurt them, potentially causing a rift in the relationship. Ultimately, you want to address this situation logically but compassionately.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While there isn\u2019t a definitive guide for navigating this scenario, here are some do\u2019s and don\u2019ts you can follow to support someone struggling with a mental illness.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Do: Respect Their Boundaries<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">All relationships should include respect on both ends. Healthy relationships require understanding and respecting each other\u2019s boundaries. Personal boundaries are physical, emotional and mental limits you implement to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.worldhuggroup.org\/respect-of-boundaries.html\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">protect yourself from harm<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. Whether your person openly discusses their struggles or shares small details about their illness, always remember to respect their boundaries. Understanding these boundaries can help avoid conflict.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Some <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/nami-wake.org\/creating-and-maintaining-healthy-boundaries\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">examples of personal boundaries<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> are:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Needing quiet or \u201cme\u201d time every day<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Avoiding conversations about sensitive topics like sexuality, religion or politics<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Keeping your social media account private and only accepting close friends and family\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Spending time with friends and family on the weekends\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not wanting to hug someone when you first meet them<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Saying \u201cno\u201d without feeling guilty<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not feeling responsible for other people\u2019s feelings<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Asking for and receiving support from loved ones<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Taking responsibility for your own actions and emotions\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">If you don\u2019t know your friend or loved one\u2019s boundaries, don\u2019t hesitate to ask. Even after they\u2019ve told you, always ask for consent for any conversations or activities that may go beyond their boundaries.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While your focus may be on your loved one, don\u2019t let your own boundaries fall by the wayside. Tell them you&#8217;re uncomfortable if they do or say something that crosses your boundaries. Your boundaries are part of your self-care, which shouldn\u2019t be ignored because your loved one has a mental illness.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Don\u2019t: Engage in Toxic Positivity<\/h2>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/adaa.org\/learn-from-us\/from-the-experts\/blog-posts\/consumer\/toxic-positivity\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Toxic positivity<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> often manifests as encouraging words to show the \u201cbrighter\u201d side of presumably negative situations or feelings. While there\u2019s nothing wrong with optimism, it\u2019s essential to allow your loved one to experience their feelings for what they are. Avoid teaching them, even inadvertently, to get comfortable with ignoring negative emotions, which can significantly impact their mental health.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Allow your loved one to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.allinahealth.org\/healthysetgo\/thrive\/toxic-positivity-when-good-vibes-hurt-mental-health\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">discuss their positive and negative emotions<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. As they speak, focus on being an active listener, reassuring them that their feelings are valid. While watching your loved one experience mental health challenges can be hard, don\u2019t limit or ignore their feelings.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Do: Try to Better Understand the Person\u2019s Situation and Needs<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Your loved one might not disclose everything about their situation, even when you have a close relationship. With their consent, try to get more details about their mental health. Ask about their symptoms and emotions as they allow. They may not answer all of your questions, but they know that your interest in their mental health comes from genuine concern.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">In addition, you may want to know if their needs are being met. You can simply ask if there\u2019s anything you can do to help, especially if you can think of something specific to offer. For example, they may need transportation to medical care or someone to talk to. Letting your person know you\u2019re here when they need help shows your genuine support.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Don\u2019t: Talk Over Them<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When your loved one is discussing their mental health difficulties, you may be tempted to interrupt them. Maybe it\u2019s because the conversation makes you nervous or you just want to show sympathy. However, these actions can cause your loved one to withdraw from the conversation. They may feel like they\u2019re not being heard and stop sharing details about their mental illness with you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">One of the best ways to support your loved one is to be a great listener. Allow them to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/how-can-we-normalize-talking-about-mental-health\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">talk about their mental health<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and give guidance when appropriate. You want to provide a safe space for them to discuss their condition without being talked over.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Do: Encourage Them to Seek Out Professional Help<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While it\u2019s great that you&#8217;re part of a strong support system for your loved one, you personally can\u2019t replace professional help. Mental illness requires treatment from mental and medical health professionals. If your person is not already seeking treatment, please encourage them to do so.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Without proper treatment, mental illness <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/namica.org\/what-is-mental-illness\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">can increase the risk<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> of negative compounding factors such as substance abuse, unemployment, homelessness, incarceration and self-harm, including suicide.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">While your actions might come from a place of genuine love and support, your loved one may refuse treatment and become furious with you. If this happens, reassure them that treatment is effective and can improve their well-being. You can also volunteer to help your person find providers and set up appointments, so they don\u2019t feel like they\u2019re facing obstacles alone.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">These healthcare providers can assist your loved one with mental health treatment:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/guides\/do-primary-care-providers-prescribe-meds-for-mental-health\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Primary care providers<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/psychiatrists\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psychiatrists<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/psychologists\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Psychologists<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/therapist-counselors\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Therapists and counselors<\/span><\/a><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Don\u2019t: Patronize Them<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Patronizing behaviors <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.researchgate.net\/publication\/319576263_Patronizing_Depression_Epistemic_Injustice_Stigmatizing_Attitudes_and_the_Need_for_Empathy_Patronizing_Depression\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">are well-intentioned<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> but can make you come off as superior or imply that your loved one can\u2019t take care of themselves. Although you may mean well, avoid giving unwanted advice, and educate yourself so you\u2019re not stigmatizing mental health concerns or struggles.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Do: Help Them With Tasks if Needed<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">With mental illness, there can be days when your loved one may <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.mentalhealth.gov\/basics\/what-is-mental-health\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">struggle to complete tasks<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">. The symptoms of mental illness can be debilitating, affecting their ability to handle daily activities like cooking or taking their kids to school. Ask if your person needs help with anything without intruding on their situation. They\u2019ll likely appreciate you offering a hand, even if they don\u2019t need help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">As you assist your loved one, ensure you\u2019re not overburdening yourself. Overburden can lead to <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.stress.org\/military\/for-practitionersleaders\/compassion-fatigue\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">compassion fatigue<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">, leaving you emotionally and physically exhausted from caring for your loved one. Instead, only take on tasks you are available for, and connect with others in their support network to see if they can help.<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Don\u2019t: Take Things Personally<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">People living with a mental illness can have symptoms like <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/my.clevelandclinic.org\/health\/diseases\/17843-mood-disorders\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">mood swings or episodes<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> where their behavior changes drastically. They may go through cycles of sadness, anger and\/or anxiety. If they direct negative behavior toward you, don\u2019t take their actions to heart. They likely don\u2019t intend to harm you, but in that moment, they aren\u2019t in control of their emotions.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">However, if your person becomes verbally or physically abusive, don\u2019t tolerate bad behavior. They <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.domesticshelters.org\/articles\/identifying-abuse\/abuse-cannot-be-blamed-on-mental-illness\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">cannot blame their mental illness<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> for any abusive behaviors. Everyone has limits to what they can endure, so if things escalate, leave the situation and seek outside help.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Do: Be Patient<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Patience is one of the most crucial aspects of supporting someone with a mental illness. Your loved one may <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.bellfoundation.org.au\/why-do-people-with-depression-feel-like-a-burden\/\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">feel like they\u2019re a burden<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\"> and begin to separate themselves from you. If this happens, remember to be patient and allow them to come to you if they need support.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Being patient with your loved one can mean:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Understanding when they need distance<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not pressuring them to spend time with you<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Allowing them to have control over their decisions<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Not forcing them to change themselves<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">When you\u2019re genuinely patient with your loved one, you show them that you respect their space and are there whenever they need you.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<h2>Don\u2019t: Overwhelm Yourself<\/h2>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">You may want to be your loved one\u2019s biggest supporter, but don\u2019t forget to take care of yourself. You can become overburdened with caring for your loved one, and if you\u2019re emotionally and physically burned out, you cannot effectively care for yourself or others.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">To protect yourself from burnout, here are some <\/span><a href=\"https:\/\/www.nimh.nih.gov\/health\/topics\/caring-for-your-mental-health\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">self-care tips<\/span><\/a><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Exercise regularly.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Prioritize your sleep.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Explore relaxing activities like meditation, breathing exercises or journaling.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Connect with family and friends.<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Practice gratitude.\u00a0<\/span><\/li>\n<li style=\"font-weight: 400;\" aria-level=\"1\"><span style=\"font-weight: 400;\">Ask others to take on some tasks for your loved one.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<hr \/>\n<h1 style=\"text-align: center;\">Need a doctor? Find one on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/\">Zocdoc<\/a>.<\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We break down some important information for loved ones. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":96,"featured_media":20084,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[228],"tags":[12,19,41,104,106,83],"class_list":["post-20280","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-advice","tag-anxiety","tag-depression","tag-mental-health","tag-trauma","tag-treatment","tag-wellness","reviewer-dr-nassim-assefi","specialist_by_city-psychiatrists"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.5 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts of Supporting Someone with Mental Illness - Advice<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We break down some important information for loved ones.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.zocdoc.com\/blog\/advice\/dos-and-donts-of-supporting-someone-with-mental-illness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Do\u2019s and Don\u2019ts of Supporting Someone with Mental Illness - 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