We’ve all experienced days when we don’t feel our best and get down ourselves. But chronically low self-esteem can have a significantly negative impact on quality of life and happiness. Self-esteem is your perception of overall personal value and your level of confidence in your abilities, attributes and worth.
Adults, kids and teens alike are all known to suffer adverse effects from low self-esteem. It affects multiple aspects of a person’s life, including relationships, job and health. Truly raising self-esteem can be difficult, but by taking the right steps — which might include hard work, therapy or even medication — lasting improvements can be made.
What Causes Low Self-Esteem?
The root causes of low self-esteem can vary from person to person, but some common factors include:
- Receiving excessive criticism during childhood
- Poor performance in work or at school
- Abusive treatment by parent, caregivers or a spouse
- Mental illness
- Ongoing stressful life events
- Medical problems or chronic illness
What Are the Effects of Low Self-Esteem?
Some of the destructive and notable impacts that poor self-esteem can have a on someone’s life are:
- Negative feelings of anxiety, stress and loneliness
- Strained relationships with friends and romantic partners
- Hindered academic and job performance
- An increased likelihood of experimenting with drugs or alcohol
- Increased risk of depression
The good news is that you can make behavioral changes to get on the road to feeling better about yourself. The following techniques can help you improve your self-esteem and reduce risk factors for these issues.
Challenge Negative Beliefs About Yourself
You can boost your self-esteem by challenging the negative beliefs you hold about yourself. This can be accomplished in a variety of ways, such as becoming more aware of negative thoughts and unproductive beliefs, thinking of evidence that disproves negative notions about yourself or writing down the positive things that others have to say about you.
Additionally, reframing “negative” personality traits into positives can be a constructive way to view yourself in a more favorable light. For instance, instead of viewing shyness as a negative quality, try to think of it as a good quality that makes you more careful or an excellent listener.
Prioritize Positive Relationships
We all know what a huge bummer it is to be around people that drag us down. Conversely, being around people who lift us up can be a real boon to our self-worth. Prioritizing and fostering relationships with those who make us feel good about ourselves, whether it’s a friendship or romantic relationship, can do wonders for the way we view ourselves.
The traits and indicators of a positive social relationship are mutual respect, consistently open lines of honest communication, compromise, equality and ongoing support. The mental health benefits of social interaction are plentiful. The emotional support provided by social ties and interactions enhances psychological well-being, which may lead to reduced risk of unhealthy behaviors. Additionally, there seems to be a direct correlation between positive social relationships and higher self-esteem. Seek out and spend time with folks who encourage, uplift and appreciate you, and avoid and be wary of those who don’t.
Recognize Your Skills
Individuals who struggle with low self-esteem may be less likely to recognize their skills. You can combat this by making an effort to frequently recognize and remind yourself of your skills and positive characteristics.
We all have things we are good at. Try to make a conscious effort to focus on your desirable traits, special skills, past accomplishments or unique achievements. It doesn’t need to be monumental — try recognizing positive personality traits, like being loyal or having the fortitude to meet a goal count.
Practice Assertiveness
Being assertive can help you build self-esteem by projecting confidence and exhibiting bold behavior. People who are assertive clearly and respectfully communicate their desires, needs or beliefs, and they don’t shy away from defending themselves or others.
Even if it does not come naturally to you, with a little practice, you can improve your assertiveness through practical exercises and emulating others whom you feel exude confidence. Some examples of practicing assertiveness are learning to say “no” to others in certain situations, believing in your abilities and talents, being simple and direct in asking for what you want or standing up for what you believe in. It could also look like holding your ground on a boundary you set.
Rein In Self-Criticism
We all have things about ourselves that we don’t like, but people with poor self-esteem tend to criticize themselves in excessive and/or unproductive ways. Instead of constantly ruminating on your shortcomings, try to direct your thoughts to what you are good at.
Be aware and careful about your internal dialogue. If you catch yourself going down a rabbit hole of negative self-talk, stop yourself, reexamine the thought, then try to shift your perspective. Instead of thinking how terrible you were at something, try to focus on an aspect you did well or how brave it was to try something new. As another example, rather than focusing on how bad you are at math, try to actively think about what a great speller you are.
Try to view your quirks or personality traits as favorable instead of as deficiencies. It’s all about perspective; most traits can be viewed as advantageous if you think about them the right way. For instance, being strong-willed or tenacious could be seen as real advantages or as negatives depending on the context, so you might as well think of those traits as strengths.
Manage Your Appearance
Physical appearance can have a massive impact on self-esteem. Often when you look your best, you feel your best.
Some constructive ways that people can use hygiene and self-care to manage their physical appearance to improve their confidence include getting fitted for new glasses at the eye doctor or looking into laser eye surgery. Exercise is integral to looking and feeling great, so starting a workout routine that you like and will stick with is an excellent way to boost your spirits.
Talk to a Counselor
Talking to a counselor or therapist is paramount if self-esteem issues and/or negative thoughts persist. Low self-esteem can lead to an increased risk of depression and other mental health issues if it isn’t addressed. Some signs that you may need a therapist for self-esteem issues include thoughts of harming yourself or others, experiencing symptoms of anxiety, like racing thoughts and rumination, or symptoms of depression, like fatigue, sadness and loss of interest in activities you usually enjoy.
Help is readily available if you need it, and there is never shame in reaching out. A licensed mental health professional can talk through issues with you and help equip you with tools to combat behaviors or thought patterns that exacerbate poor self-esteem.