Welcoming a new baby is one of life’s great joys, but it’s not all a walk in the park. The sleepless nights and influx of feelings and emotions can be tricky to handle. It’s common to go through a wide range of emotions when adding a new family member, from happiness to sadness and everything in between.
Some moms, however, experience a severe, long-lasting form of depression called postpartum depression that occurs after they give birth. This can put a strain on a marriage or relationship, especially for new moms who aren’t sure how to cope with the situation or who may be experiencing unfamiliar thoughts or feelings they do not understand.
Understanding postpartum depression
Stigma or shame surrounding postpartum depression may cause those going through it to avoid or delay appropriate treatment. Postpartum depression is relatively common —around 1 in 7 women and birthing parents develop it. Symptoms typically present within the first few days or weeks after giving birth, but they may appear during the pregnancy or up to a year after childbirth.
Some common misconceptions around postpartum depression can lead to misunderstandings and confusion. One is that it only affects the person who gave birth. Actually, postpartum depression can appear in the mother, father or infant and even surrogate or adoptive parents. Another myth is that it will go away on its own over time. Left untreated, postpartum depression can take a significant toll on mental and physical health, as well as relationships. Postpartum depression can even interfere with your ability to care for your new baby or complete daily tasks. That’s why reaching out for help is critical.
The effects of postpartum depression on your mental health
Caring for a new baby brings up a wide and sometimes contradictory variety of emotions. Because of this, it’s common to have “baby blues.” Postpartum depression is a far more serious condition that includes these symptoms:
- Alternating highs and lows
- Frequent crying
- Irritability and fatigue
- Feelings of guilt
- Anxiety about the baby’s health or one’s ability to care for the infant
- Critical perceptions of the baby’s behavior and personality
- Despondency
- Lack of interest in the baby or activities that usually bring joy
- Lack of response to social support
- Using substances like tobacco, alcohol and drugs
- Not following postpartum care
Postpartum psychosis is a rare (but extremely serious) form of postpartum depression.
Postpartum depression in marriage
Caring for a newborn can be stressful. Add in relationship tension in the relationship and the problems can feed off each other. Some common challenges couples might face while battling postpartum depression could include:
- High degree of distress during the transition to parenthood
- Diminished time to devote to a parenter
- Inadequate communication
- Financial hurdles
- Unbalanced workload
Overcoming these challenges requires some work, but it’s not impossible, however it may feel in the moment. Some tips to cope include:
- Talking through issues
- Having patience with and giving grace to the other partner
- Acknowledging and understanding that the situation is temporary
- Seeking outside help through individual and/or couple’s therapy
Challenges of postpartum depression in other relationships
Navigating postpartum depression can also impact other relationships, such as those with parents, friends or other loved ones. Some common challenges that postpartum depression may create for a person’s relationships can resemble those affecting romantic relationships:
- Reduced time and energy to spend with family and friends
- Thinking others can’t relate
- Lack of communication
- Feelings of stress or anxiety
Some tips for overcoming these obstacles include:
- Maintain open lines of communication.
- Ask for help from loved ones.
- Build a support network.
- Seek comradery with those who’ve also faced postpartum depression.
Long-term well-being in your relationships
The good news is that with the right interventions, many new parents safely and effectively navigate postpartum depression and come through with happy and healthy relationships intact. The first step toward recovery might be recognizing your postpartum depression and reaching out for help.
If you think you might be experiencing symptoms, talk to your healthcare provider. They will ask you some questions and might suggest different forms of treatment, including therapy and/or medication.
Here are some tips for cultivating long-term well-being in your relationships if you have experienced postpartum depression:
- Recognize that medical intervention is often an essential part of the healing process.
- Normalize talking about mental health issues with family and friends.
- Reach out to a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist , psychologist, counselor or therapist.
- Maintain open, honest and ongoing lines of communication with loved ones.
- Factor in previous experience with postpartum depression when family planning in the future.