Grief is a normal, if unwelcome, part of life. This deep sadness is our emotional response to loss, be it the loss of a loved one, a beloved job, or a change in circumstances that alters our sense of security and place in the world. The COVID-19 pandemic, which has taken millions of lives and upended stability for people all over the world, has caused a sense of enduring grief for many.
Most of us will feel grief at some point in our lives, but there are ways to cope with it so that it doesn’t take over your life. Psychologists who study grief distinguish between “non-complicated grief,” where the bereaved suffer from sadness but are resilient in continuing on with life, and “complicated grief disorder,” which like depression can have prolonged and debilitating symptoms.
If you’re experiencing loss, a psychologist or therapist can help you move through it. Otherwise, the following healthy strategies can help you mourn loss while still moving forward in your life.
What causes grief?
Grief is a deep emotion experienced in the wake of profound loss. Because grief can manifest in different ways for different people or at different times, psychologists classify the symptoms of grief into five categories: cognitive, emotional, physical, lifestyle, and interpersonal.
We commonly associate grieving with the death of a close friend or family member, but there are many causes for grief. These include:
- Death of a pet
- Death of a classmate or colleague
- Relationship breakup or divorce
- Illness of a loved one
- Moving to a new place or home
- Losing a job or beginning an unfamiliar new one
- Leaving school or graduating
- Illness or ill health
- Physical impairment or injury
- Experiencing a traumatic incident or accident
- Loss of financial security
- Loss of one’s home or community from natural disaster or armed conflict
- Large-scale trauma like a mass shooting or fire, even for those not directly affected
What are the effects of grief?
Many symptoms of grief are familiar and easy to recognize, like a feeling of deep sadness, crying frequently or trouble sleeping. Here are some other common effects of grief, some of which you may not be familiar with:
- Feeling numb or empty
- Feeling angry
- Loss of appetite
- Nightmares or night terrors
- Trembling or shaking
- Muscle weakness
- Dry mouth
- Difficulty breathing
- Panic attacks
- Lack of interest in activities
- Exhaustion
For most people, symptoms of grief will begin to ease over time. But for some people, the grief symptoms endure for months or even years, disrupting a person’s ability to lead a normal, healthy life. This is a clinical diagnosis called complicated grief disorder or prolonged grief disorder, and it’s characterized by enduring feelings of emotional numbness, difficulty reintegrating into daily life and social settings, and identity disruption, as if a part of oneself has been lost. Those experiencing prolonged grief disorder should work with a trained mental health professional to treat their symptoms.
Healthy coping is key
Coping mechanisms are any thoughts or behavior used to overcome stress, grief, or other emotional difficulties. Not all coping mechanisms are healthy, however. Some people turn to solutions like addictive drugs, alcohol, or codependent relationships to handle their stress.
Healthy coping mechanisms, on the other hand, will help you gradually move on from grief and find ways to mourn your loss while still moving forward in your life. Below are some coping mechanisms that can help you grieve in a healthy way:
Accept your feelings
Grief is a difficult feeling, but it is often necessary in order to process and recover from a serious loss. It is often accompanied by a series of other uncomfortable feelings like anger, resentment or denial. Rather than pushing down these feelings, accepting them will help you make peace with the reality of the situation, and allow you stop fighting yourself internally.
Express your feelings
Finding ways to share how you are feeling can help you cope with grief. This might mean talking with a therapist or loved one about what you’re going through, but here are some other creative ways to express your feelings. For instance, writing creatively about your feelings has been found to have therapeutic benefits. You can also express your feelings through art, like painting, poetry, or sculpture. An art therapist can help you find ways to express your grief through creativity.
Turn to friends and family
Grief can cause a sense of loneliness or withdrawal, so if you’re struggling with a loss, it’s important to stay connected with friends and family. Social support systems have been found to promote emotional and mental well-being.
If you’re grieving, don’t be afraid to reach out to those you know and share your feelings. Simply having a loving shoulder to cry on can make a big difference in overcoming grief.
Establish a routine
While your routine may be upended by the traumatic loss you’ve experienced, finding a “new normal” will help your body and mind cope with the big changes in your life. Creating a routine will help reduce stress and anxiety throughout the day.
That doesn’t mean you have to avoid thinking about your grief: try working in a daily ritual that honors and acknowledges your loss, such as lighting a candle, saying a prayer or writing something down.
Take care of your physical health
Our physical, mental, and emotional health are all closely connected. Even when we feel down, it’s important not to let our physical health decline – this can make the symptoms of emotional hardship even worse.
To care for your physical health while grieving, maintain a healthy, well-balanced diet and avoid the temptation to load up on high-carb comfort foods. Follow a regular bedtime routine to ensure you’re getting enough sleep, and get light exercise several times a week. Even going for a walk can help you maintain better physical health.
Join a support group
While grieving may make you feel alone, there are many other people struggling with similar experiences, and connecting with them can be a great way to heal. Find a local grief therapy group, where you’ll meet regularly with other people experiencing grief and loss.
In studies, group therapy has been found to help improve mental health outcomes by improving social networks, reducing stigma, and providing a reprieve from isolation or feelings of alienation.
Talk to a psychologist
Talking with a professional who is trained in mental health counseling and treatment can be a huge help in overcoming grief. They will help you talk through your struggles, find healthy and effective coping mechanisms, and monitor your progress.
Working with a psychologist may be helpful for identifying your symptoms and understanding the mechanisms of your grief. A professional grief counselor is another option for working through your emotional struggles with a provider.
Give yourself time
Grief is a normal, healthy response to traumatic experiences. It won’t disappear overnight, and that’s okay. Give yourself time to heal, without judgment or self-criticism. While people experiencing grief after a big loss may find most of their symptoms alleviated after six months, it’s normal to still think about the loss, or have feelings about it, years afterwards.
No matter how long it takes, finding coping mechanisms for your grief will help you be resilient in the face of hard experiences.