There’s a lot of buzz about the importance of self-care. In fact, searches for “self-care” have more than doubled since 2015, according to Google Trends. It makes sense — after all, we are living through multiple collective crises all at once, so the emphasis on self-care seems to be a coping mechanism.
But what is honest-to-god, real self-care? This isn’t the version that’s popular on social media yet fails to actually improve your quality of life. Rather, it lifts you up mentally, emotionally and physically so you can truly live a life that feels nourishing and good.
You might feel guilty investing in yourself (especially if, like a lot of us, there are other people who demand your time and energy, like family and friends), but genuine self-care isn’t about overindulgence or narcissism. Rather, it’s about pouring into your own cup because you deserve to feel healthy and energized. If you’re not convinced self-care is worth your time, take a look at the evidence: People who practice self-care report less stress and improved quality of life.
Characteristics of real self-care
It can be hard to pinpoint true self-care, because it looks different from person to person. What we need to sustain ourselves varies, but these characteristics can help guide you in the right direction:
- You feel nourished. Self-care should positively add to your life, not be another item on your to-do list that you feel you should do. Does your heart feel more open? Does your body relax? Are you able to stay in the present? If yes, these could be signs that you’re engaging in healthy self-care practices.
- You feel energized. Something as simple as a healthy bedtime routine that leaves you feeling refreshed the next morning can count as self-care.
- You feel grounded. Stress triggers the nervous system to activate, which puts your body in fight-or-flight mode. Our busy lives can encourage chronic stress, which can have devastating effects on our health. Seek out self-care practices, such as maintaining a healthy routine, that ease this response and calm your brain and body.
- You feel connected. Self-care doesn’t have to be a solo activity. If hanging out with friends rejuvenates you, go for it!
- You feel healthy. Self-care is all about improving your health, both mental and physical. Eating nutritious food and exercising are simple ways to practice self-care that some overlook.
- You’re growing. Taking up a hobby because it’s fun or seeing a therapist can both be forms of self-care because they challenge you in ways that benefit your health. Remember,you will feel uncomfortable at times as you grow.
Self-care can be tough to address because it’s tied to mental health. Don’t feel like you have to go it alone – reach out to trusted family, friends and mental health professionals for help.
What is not real self-care?
While bubble baths can be a form of self-care, they aren’t always. Here’s how to identify fake self-care:
- Quick fixes. Self-care is a continuing practice (sorry). It takes maintenance and a commitment to yourself and your health.
- Products that promise self-care but don’t deliver. Companies are profiting massively off of self-care, but it doesn’t have to cost you anything. Consciously breathing during a stressful moment is an act of self-care because you are considering yourself and making yourself more comfortable.
- Mimicking someone else’s self-care. What works for your friend or that celebrity you follow on social media won’t necessarily work for you.
What are the goals of self-care
It’s helpful to know what you want to get out of self-care. This way, you know if you’re on track to achieve them with your self-care routines. To get you started, here are some common goals:
- Good physical health. Physical health will give you more energy and have a positive impact on your mental health.
- Less stress. When you’re less stressed, you can better respond to situations that tax your body and mind.
- Better relationships. Nourishing relationships have the power to make us healthier and happier.
- Calm mind. A peaceful mind allows you to make decisions that serve you and don’t steal your energy.
Now, you may identify with some or all of these common self-care aims or you may not. Some might benefit from further personal goals, and taking intentional time to think about what would feel good in your life can help you discover them.
Examples of effective self-care strategies
If you’re still searching for ways to introduce self-care into your life, here are some ideas:
- Quality sleep. Good sleep makes you sick less often, regulates your emotions, reduces stress and helps you maintain a healthy weight, among other benefits. Maintaining a regular bedtime and wake-up time can help achieve quality sleep.
- Exercise. Being active improves your mood and, therefore, your mental health. You can sneak in exercise by taking the stairs instead of the elevator and walking in place a few minutes every hour during work.
- Limit social media. Cutting down on social media can reduce feelings of loneliness and depression. Experiment with keeping your phone out of the bedroom and putting it away when spending time with friends.
- Be in nature. Spending time outdoors goes a long way toward improving mental health. Take winter hikes, walk in the woods or even stare at photos of nature.
- Mental health help. Mental health professionals are there for you, too. Reach out to a psychiatrist, psychologist or counselor.
Possible negative impacts of other types of ‘self-care’
Fake self-care will only feel good in the moment. Here are some examples of disingenuous self-care masquerading as the real thing.
- Dieting. Dieting leaves you with less energy and doesn’t work. Instead, eat more veggies and fruits because they’re good for you and keep you feeling fuller longer.
- Living for social media. Trying to prove that your life is more fulfilling than others’ lives can actually have the opposite effect. Spend time with people not because it gives you a photo op, but to cultivate connection.
- Excessive socializing. Social connections are good for us but if you find yourself drained by them, take a step back. Figure out what kind and quantity of socialization gives you energy and cut out the rest.
The benefits of real self-care
True self-care can actually help your noggin. Here are some reasons why:
- Sleep. When you get shut-eye, your brain’s synapses shrink by almost 20%, which helps your brain learn new things the next day.
- Exercise. Physical activity can improve your brain health and reduce disease risk.
- Kindness. Being kind to others and yourself can be a form of self-care. Kindness increases serotonin and dopamine in your brain, which helps you feel good.
- Mindfulness. It’s probably obvious that mindfulness can improve your mental health, but did you know it can help your gut, which can also boost your mood? It boils down to your digestive system, which can directly affect your mood and mental health.
- Less stress. Long-term stress may actually rewire your brain, which is bad news for your prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain that handles key cognitive functions – and your amygdala, which handles emotions.