Everyone doubts themselves sometimes. A difficult conversation, a mistake at work, criticism, or comparing yourself to others can temporarily affect how you feel about yourself.
Low self-esteem becomes more concerning when negative beliefs about yourself become persistent and begin affecting your relationships, work, school, or overall well-being.
The encouraging news is that self-esteem isn’t fixed. Like many emotional skills, it can improve over time with practice, support, and healthier ways of thinking.
You can improve self-esteem by challenging negative self-talk, practicing self-compassion, building supportive relationships, recognizing your strengths, setting realistic goals, learning assertiveness, limiting unhealthy comparisons, and seeking professional help if low self-esteem is affecting your daily life.
What is self-esteem?
Self-esteem is the way you view and value yourself.
It includes how you think about your abilities, your character, your relationships, and your overall sense of worth.
Healthy self-esteem doesn’t mean believing you’re perfect or always feeling confident. Instead, it means recognizing both your strengths and your challenges while believing you have inherent value regardless of mistakes or setbacks.
What causes low self-esteem?
Many different experiences can contribute to low self-esteem.
Common contributors include:
- Frequent criticism during childhood
- Bullying
- Trauma
- Difficult relationships
- Chronic stress
- Perfectionism
- Discrimination or stigma
- Mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression
- Constant comparison with others
Low self-esteem often develops gradually rather than after one single event.
How can low self-esteem affect your life?
Persistent low self-esteem can influence many aspects of daily life.
It may contribute to:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Difficulty setting boundaries
- Fear of failure
- Avoiding new opportunities
- Relationship difficulties
- Excessive people-pleasing
- Negative self-talk
- Perfectionism
The American Psychological Association notes that self-esteem and close relationships influence one another over time, meaning supportive relationships can strengthen self-esteem while healthier self-esteem can also improve relationships.
How can you improve self-esteem?
Improving self-esteem usually happens through many small changes rather than one dramatic breakthrough.
Here are several strategies that may help.
1. Notice your self-talk
Most people speak to themselves far more often than they realize.
Pay attention to your inner dialogue.
Would you speak to a close friend the same way you speak to yourself?
When you notice thoughts such as:
- “I’m a failure.”
- “I never do anything right.”
- “Everyone else is better than me.”
Pause and ask yourself whether those statements are actually facts or simply interpretations.
Replacing harsh self-criticism with more balanced thinking takes practice, but it can gradually change the way you see yourself.
2. Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes.
It means responding to yourself with the same understanding you would offer someone you care about.
According to researcher Dr. Kristin Neff, self-compassion involves:
- Self-kindness
- Recognizing our shared humanity
- Mindfulness
Instead of asking, “What’s wrong with me?” try asking, “What do I need right now?”
Small shifts in language can make difficult moments feel more manageable.
3. Recognize your strengths
People with low self-esteem often notice their weaknesses much faster than their strengths.
Try creating a running list of things you do well.
Include:
- Personal qualities
- Skills
- Accomplishments
- Challenges you’ve overcome
- Compliments you’ve received
Review the list when your inner critic becomes especially loud.
4. Build supportive relationships
The people around you influence how you see yourself.
Healthy relationships often include:
- Respect
- Encouragement
- Honest communication
- Emotional support
- Healthy boundaries
If someone consistently makes you feel inadequate, ashamed, or unworthy, consider whether that relationship supports your well-being.
Strong social support has consistently been associated with better psychological health.
5. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else
Comparison has become much easier in the age of social media.
Remember that most people share carefully selected moments rather than the full reality of their lives.
When you catch yourself comparing your life, appearance, career, or relationships to someone else’s, gently redirect your attention toward your own goals and progress.
Your growth doesn’t need to look like anyone else’s.
6. Set realistic goals
Confidence often grows from keeping promises you make to yourself.
Rather than setting one overwhelming goal, break it into smaller, achievable steps.
For example:
Instead of:
“I’ll completely change my life this month.”
Try:
“I’ll take one 20-minute walk three times this week.”
Each completed goal becomes evidence that you can trust yourself.
7. Learn to be more assertive
Assertiveness means expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries respectfully.
It is different from aggression.
Practicing assertiveness might include:
- Saying no without apologizing excessively
- Asking for help
- Sharing your opinions respectfully
- Setting healthy boundaries
- Speaking up when something feels wrong
The Mayo Clinic notes that assertiveness can improve communication, reduce stress, and strengthen self-confidence.
8. Take care of your physical health
Physical and mental health influence one another.
You don’t need to pursue a perfect appearance to improve self-esteem.
Instead, focus on habits that help you feel healthier overall, such as:
- Regular movement
- Consistent sleep
- Nutritious meals
- Time outdoors
- Personal hygiene
- Activities you genuinely enjoy
Taking care of yourself reinforces the message that you are worth caring for.
9. Celebrate progress instead of perfection
Many people with low self-esteem believe they must succeed perfectly before feeling good about themselves.
Perfection is rarely attainable.
Instead, acknowledge progress, even when it feels small.
Growth usually happens gradually.
10. Consider therapy
Sometimes low self-esteem is connected to trauma, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, or long-standing negative beliefs that are difficult to change alone.
A therapist can help you:
- Identify negative thinking patterns
- Build healthier coping skills
- Improve self-compassion
- Strengthen relationships
- Process difficult experiences
- Set realistic goals
Therapy isn’t only for crises. It can also support personal growth.
If you’re considering therapy, read our guide on how to choose a therapist.
How long does it take to improve self-esteem?
There isn’t a single timeline.
Some people notice changes within weeks, while others find that building healthier patterns takes months or longer.
Rather than expecting to feel confident all the time, look for signs such as:
- Recovering more quickly after setbacks
- Speaking to yourself more kindly
- Setting healthier boundaries
- Feeling less controlled by criticism
- Trying new things despite fear
These are meaningful forms of progress.
When should you seek professional help?
Consider talking with a mental health professional if low self-esteem is:
- Affecting your relationships
- Preventing you from pursuing goals
- Leading to anxiety or depression
- Causing persistent negative self-talk
- Making it difficult to function at work or school
- Accompanied by thoughts of self-harm
If you are thinking about harming yourself or believe you may be in immediate danger, call or text 988 in the United States for immediate support.
The bottom line
Learning how to improve self-esteem isn’t about becoming perfect or feeling confident every moment of every day.
It’s about building a healthier relationship with yourself through self-awareness, self-compassion, supportive relationships, and realistic expectations.
Progress often happens gradually, and every small step counts.
If low self-esteem has been affecting your daily life, talking with a therapist can provide practical tools and support. You can use Zocdoc to find an in-network therapist, compare patient reviews, and book an appointment online.
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Frequently asked questions
How can I improve my self-esteem?
Improving self-esteem often involves challenging negative self-talk, practicing self-compassion, building supportive relationships, recognizing your strengths, setting realistic goals, and seeking therapy when appropriate.
What causes low self-esteem?
Low self-esteem can develop because of childhood experiences, trauma, bullying, difficult relationships, chronic stress, perfectionism, discrimination, or mental health conditions such as anxiety or depression.
Can therapy help improve self-esteem?
Yes. Therapy can help you identify negative thinking patterns, develop healthier coping skills, process past experiences, and build greater self-compassion.
How long does it take to build self-esteem?
There is no set timeline. Improvement often happens gradually as you consistently practice healthier thinking, build supportive relationships, and develop new coping skills.
Is low self-esteem a mental illness?
No. Low self-esteem is not a mental health diagnosis by itself, although it commonly occurs alongside conditions such as anxiety or depression.
The information in this article is provided for general informational purposes only and should not be relied on as medical advice. It is not intended as, and Zocdoc does not provide, medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Zocdoc does not recommend any specific provider. Find one you’ll love on Zocdoc today.